Billie Eilish is getting up-close-and-personal in the latest issue of Rolling Stone Magazine.

 

 

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Billie, who is already a major-music superstar at the age of 17, is opening up about her struggles with mental health.  When Billie was 12-years old, she joined a competitive dance company and recalls, “It was a lot of really pretty girls who were all in school together, all friends.  That was probably when I was the most insecure.  I wasn’t as confident.  I couldn’t speak and just be normal.  When I think about it or see pictures of me then, I was so not OK with who I was.”

 

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Billie also opened up about body image, “At dance, you wear really tiny clothes.  I was always worried about my appearance.  That was the peak of my body dysmorphia.  I couldn’t look in the mirror at all.”  Soon after, Billie ruptured the growth plate in her hip and had to quit dance altogether, I think that’s when the depression started.  It sent me down a hole.  I went through a whole self-harming phase – we don’t have to go into it.  But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”

 

 

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As Billie got older, things began to get better for her, “I haven’t been depressed in a minute, which is great. Seventeen has probably been the best year of my life. I’ve liked 17.”  Because of her mental health issues, Billie says she understands some of the lives her fans currently live, “Sometimes I see girls at my shows with scars on their arms, and it breaks my heart. I don’t have scars anymore because it was so long ago. But I’ve said to a couple of them, ‘Just be nice to yourself.’ Because I know. I was there.”  The worst – someone had leaked Billie’s home address online and fans began showing up outside of her house, “It was really traumatizing. I completely don’t feel safe in my house anymore, which sucks. I love my house,” adds Billie.

 

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Billie also tells Rolling Stone how she suffered from panic attacks prior to her tour kicking off, “I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again.  It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight. And, I mean, it’s true: There really is no end in sight with touring. Thinking about that literally made me throw up. I’m not a throw-upper but I threw up twice from the anxiety.”

 

 

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To read the full Rolling Stone article, click here.

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